A Woman’s Perspective On When The Guy Brings Up Sexual Health First
Being a woman in the dating world can be difficult at times, especially when it comes to our sexual health.
Asking about previous partners or asking where the condom is in the heat of the moment can be uncomfortable. It’d be great if the guy cared as much about both of our sexual health as much as we do. As women, we’re typically more concerned about our sexual health because we are the ones who can become pregnant or contract an STI that affects their fertility. As a woman, I tend to think more long-term and associate my sexual health with my overall confidence, while men tend to be more impulsive and worry about the consequences later.
Guys who are willing to wear condoms without being asked and who ask about when we were last tested are few and far between. But the secret is, if a guy were to bring up the sexual health topic first, it would be a sigh of relief for women all over. There is nothing sexier than a guy caring about his sexual health, as well as ours.
In my experience, it’s very rare for a guy to ask me if I’m on some form of birth control. A guy has actually never asked me until after hooking up, which at that point is too late. Oftentimes due to this day and age, guys just assume the girl is on it. But actually, so many of my friends aren’t on birth control or didn’t get on it until later in college. So for guys to make this assumption is dangerous.
This brings up the question, should a women always be prepared with condoms and birth control when hooking up? Or can she rely on the guy to have a condom on hand in the heat of the moment AND put it on without complaint? 90% of my experience, that responsibility has landed on me. On the occasions where the guy was prepared with the condom, I was far more relieved. I respected the fact that he was aware of unsafe sex consequences and it didn’t even need to be talked about.
Then there’s the factor of how many partners you’ve had/when the last time you got tested was. This question is probably the hardest of them all for both people. The issue with the question about how many partners you have is someone is usually lying. We get worried about the other person judging us, because what number is too much and what number is too little? I think that there’s a higher importance on asking about testing than how many partners you’ve had. You could have slept with 50 people or just 1 and still risked your sexual health. If a guy were to ask me when the last time I was tested before having sex, I wouldn’t be offended in any way, I’d actually be happy. To be open and make it more of the norm before having sex would be amazing.
Any way you bring up the topic of sexual health with a woman who has consented to having sex with you, is a good idea. It’ll allow us to be more comfortable during sex knowing that we’re not risking an unplanned pregnancy or a possible STI contraction. It’ll make us trust you more and respect you.